Welcome to CYB| Chea-Yee's Blog.

This blog captures the musings and anecdotes of the daily life of a Malaysian who is now living in Melbourne, Australia.


Time Out

I spent 3 hours agonizing over my LifeTrap.
I know my LifeTrap is fighting to survive even at this instance.
Everything that I do, my feelings and my being, is a result of my upbringing, my relationshp with my parents, and also my temperament. I do not put the blame on anyone, however as I know that my parents had the best of intentions when bringing me up.

However, it is hard NOT to find a scapegoat, nor put a finger on your parents, because the facts all point into that direction.
Is this a victim story? No. I don't think so.
What did u expect me to do as a kid? I did not Know Any Better.
Neither Do They.

It doesn't really matter when I realise this for myself. The most important thing is, WHAT DO I DO now that I KNOW?
We are all adults. We can think for ourselves.

If we want to create something for ourselves, we have to start with ourselves.
We have to start taking Responsibility for ourselves.
No one else can do it for us. Not even God. That's Free Will For You.

I would be more accepting and appreciate the people who are emotionally generous with me, right here, right now!

I will stop pining for what I don't have and appreciate the ones that that are they right here with me, like how Dorothy realised that all she wanted was already in her own backyard.
That she didn't have to go over the rainbow to search for what she thought she needed.

I will stop judging the world by my parents' standards. My father can tell me whatever he wants, but it is I who would decide how I should think. I will tell my mother off when she starts comparing how good she is than to me and how she knows things but didn't bother to tell me. What is the point she's trying to make then?

I will stop comparing myself with others, and tell myself that my parents are not there to judge me all the time.
Even if my parents do, they have to accept me unconditionally for who I am, and not who they want me to be. If they think I am a failure, I'll just tell them to get themeselves cloned, so they can have a living, breathing, clone of themselves who'll take over the business.

I'm going to stop thinking that my friends are like my parents. I'm going to tell myself it is OK to not do so well all the time, or if others are better than me. If I Failed, so BE IT.

I'll STOP asking for approval.

I'm going to get a partner SO unlike my father. I'm not even going to think anymore.

No comments

© CYB | Chea-Yee's Blog • Theme by Maira G.