Welcome to CYB| Chea-Yee's Blog.

This blog captures the musings and anecdotes of the daily life of a Malaysian who is now living in Melbourne, Australia.


LifeTraps and Schemas.

Not too long ago, I borrowed a book from my neighbour,
entitled, Reinventing Your Life-Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior, by Young, Jeffrey & Klosko, Janet.
I had briefly skimmed through it, and decided to borrow it, as the details in the book related a lot to the curriculum that AsiaWorks is based on. Something which I was familiar with.

Karen, has through the months of doing LP, finally trained to be persistent enough to do the exercise with me till I get to the core of my problem. I wouldn't call it a problem, but, she had not let it off till I finally said it all out the other night. I really don't know whether to be relieved, or not, as it is still on my mind now as I reflect on it here.

I know that if I call and talk to her now, she'll push at it again for the next 2 hours till I let it out if she HAS to! God, I don't know what those LPs have to undergo..they really push you till you have no space to hide! That however, is a GOOD thing, if you want to CHANGE.

It is a known fact that children are always doing things that would please their parents. I am of no exception.
Initially I had called to wish her happy birthday. However, the conversation took a turn to AW not long after...

Everyone has particular ideals when it comes to looking for a life partner. Mine of which, I didn't really think of till we brought up that issue again. However, we ended up approaching the topic of my ex again..(sigh).

What exactly was it about my ex that I particularly admired? The traits that attracted me to him, was initially because he reminded me a lot of my father. Like it or not, those were the traits I was familiar with, and am comfortable with. Perhaps, in my mind, I was looking for someone like my father.

I was then asked to analyse my current infatuation, which thankfully, I am over with, on the traits in him that I found, was of my father. As I begin to analyse it, I realise that...the infatuation was almost, but not barely baseless. I did not really find any traits in him that I could relate to my father, but we both had similar interests in many things, and almost similar upbringing and taste in friends...

As it is, this comes to the premise that, most of us are much more comfortable with having a partner with traits that we are familliar with, as this is familiar ground. As I read the book, it brought to home the fact that many people, even those who had a disadvantaged childhood with history of different kinds of abuse, would look for a partner who may display the similar traits.As a result, the cycle repeats itself.

The question I would like to ask myself now is, am I looking for a father figure in a partner?
Or is it because I am looking for someone with similar traits to bring home, to show my parents and to please them?
Am I repeating the cycle because this, in itself is the scheme of things that I am familiar with?

What if I broke the cycle, and brought someone who was so disparate and had nothing of the traits of my father?!
Would such a relationship eventually make me happy?

It is a fact, and statistics state couples in successful marriages normally have similar way of thinking, background and experiences.
From my point of view, I feel that it is true to a certain extent.

Apart from the similar traits he had with my father, however in terms social, I could not get along with my ex's friends. I could not tolerate them, as, his friends cursed and swore a lot among themselves, and were, in my experience of them, rather two faced and continually were backstabbing one another.
I could not tolerate them as I had would not tolerate such behaviour among my own social circles. As a result, my ex accused me of not understanding his friends and that I was the reason he could not spend as much time with them... blah blah blah.

However, it seemed that, when he had got together with me, he had totally forgotten the fact that he was the one who made the decision to go with me,
(and the whole other issue of the friend of his who was interested in me somehow managed to rouse up the rest of the gang that it was either them with the former or the latter!) GUYS! So Immature!

As I look at it now, I'd say that, when it comes to looking for a partner, and especially a long term partner, there are many things to look into, and not just the matter of liking that particular person.
In which similar upbringing, social circle, interests, way of thinking.

The premise for the movie, Meeting the Forkers, may or may not be true. I don't really know if relationshps, made of such matter, could be successful in the long run.
It is, when we marry a person, we are also marrying their family.
For me, I would ask myself, if I were to marry such a guy, would I like his father, mother, brother or sister?
Will I get along with them?

Hmm..I am getting TOO Serious here again.
I told myself that I would take it light and easy this year....


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