Welcome to CYB| Chea-Yee's Blog.

This blog captures the musings and anecdotes of the daily life of a Malaysian who is now living in Melbourne, Australia.


A reflection of what 2004 was.

Granted that Saturday is New Year's, I may still have to go back to work tomorrow as well. Not really work per se, but to go back to get everything ready for the kids.

I'm no longer a teacher who will be handling a class this year, but will be the leader in charge of the Montessori program, and helping my colleague with the classroom. She will be getting everything ready. After a year of being with the 3 & 4 yr olds, I'm now much more emotionally and mentally better to handle them. Obviously!.

As it is, I would like to end this blog with a summary of my thoughts of this coming to an end of the year.

The year 2004 has been one tumultous journey from begining to the end. Granted, the tsunami has claimed many lives, it is a sign to show people, how fragile human lives can be, and how we can be wiped away in that just one stroke of moment. For me, if I were to die, it really wouldn't be a problem, coz i know that I would be going back to The Father, and just a change in address of where I would be residing. I may not have done many things I wanted, but that to me, is not really a problem. Yet. Since the Lord has not taken away my life yet, all I can say is that its JUST not my time to go yet.

Independent of that incident, this year has been one hell of a personal journey, from begining to the start.
I'm sure that God has his plans for us, no matter what happens, no matter failures or successes.

The turning point of my life for this year, would be
1) my failing my MCI exams and also
2) yes, again, I will mention it, confronting my fears during AsiaWorks.

I really don't know what would have happened had I passed the MCI exams without a hitch. Perhaps God in His wisdom has seen to it that failing my MCI exams would be one turning point where I could open my eyes to really and finally begin my journey towards doing what it is I really want and perhaps, taking that first step towards that journey.

After getting over that aftermath emotional state of failure, I told myself that whether I die or not die, I would retake the MCI exam and pass it. Carolyn had asked me if I wanted to wait till December to retake the exam, to which I said, I really don't have that much of time to waste, so I decided to retake it at the next instance, which was in July/August.

When I recently texted Vincent that I had failed my MCI (which was in March), he said that life was tough. To which my reply to him was, what I think matters most, is not the failing part. It is having the will, courage, persistency to not let one failure hold a person back and bounce back from that state of being fearful to fearless!

Yes, Life IS tough. It will BE tough if I let it be tough TOWARDS me.

Not only did I pass my MCI the second time around, I too passed my organ practical exam, and with CREDIT!
By then, I told myself that if I were to take an exam, it would not be just merely PASS anymore. It would be more than just PASSING and better with CREDIT or DISTINCTION. I think that that is probably the most important attitude to maintain in all things.

Expect the BEST in all, and accept NO LESS.

My organ teacher told me that my playing sucked. That at the rate I was playing, I would not only fail the practical exam, but if I passed, I would only had just Merely Passed. I'm sure she had to eat her own words when my results came in. (Yeah, if only I could see her eat her own shoe when the results came out!).

To which now, I have signed up for the USQ program. The USQ program has really challenged me to think and be better at a higher and university level. No less tougher than MCI, I have learnt much and am still learning now that I have to do the CMS and Play units.

The convocation this year, is a crowning period, and also as I had reflected upon it, should I have chosen to not bother retaking the exam, I would not have been even able to participate as one of the graduands during the convocation. But I had, and at the same time, an external student of USQ as well! It was really a gratifying feeling and experience for me to see how much has happned and how the experiences this year has really opened my eyes to what has happened to me on a personal level.

Even the USQ program, when I signed up, was done as a last minute decision. I could have not bothered to signed up for the course, and have a totally work-free holidays the past 2 months, but I didn't.. (I was complaining about it to my dad!) Perhaps it's God's will after all....

The other turning point of my life for this year is Confronting my fears during AsiaWorks this year.

One of the things that I have avoided in the past 8 years is confronting my fears. No doubt all of us have our own problems and own fears. The only problem arises is that, the more we ignore it, or pretend it doesn't exist, the more it would remain. As it it, what you resist, persists! For the first 3 days during the workshop, I had listened during the workshop. I refused to acknowledge its existence. However, I finally realised that ignoring it has had a really significant impact on my life, for it really has shaped the person I have turned out to be.

As emotional the experience was, I had build a wall around myself all these years, because I didn't want to get hurt again. It was an experience that only I can say, liberated me to be free and to be who I am now.

I have learnt how selfish I a person I can be. I was ashamed of myself, though I claim myself to be Christian. However, now, I can freely admit that, YeS. I am still a selfish person. Leopards can't change their spots overnight. and they CAN'T.

I would say that I couldn't have done or been through what I have this past year, without the unselfish support , care, generosity and emotional support from my acquaintances and friends. Namely,

Laynie, who has helped me to get my finger rhythm right when I was taking my organ Practical exams and pushed me emotionally as well,
U Joe, who has helped me in my MCI revision, and also my essay consultant. Ha ha ha.
Karen, my cousin cum LP emotional support leader ;-)
Annie, Ai Ling, Asta, Young, Kong, KMT, Jeff & Chin Mun.

Wishing all my friends and acquaintances, a really Happy New Year to 2005!
May we toast the New Year. May we be there for one another! To which the year 2005 beckons.

Many more surprises awaits. many more experiences beckons me.
To which I will put on my riding leather habit, and ride on my shining white high horse, and go yee-haw,
let's go boldly where no Man has before!!!

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